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REPORT

Eyam Dale House Cave

15th February 2014 - Simon Dillon

Twas the morning of the 15th day of second month of the year, the hairy warrior arose early collected his gear for the quest into the realm of the underworld, he did jump aboard his sturdy steed. A boxy beast of great thirst, it came from the land of snow and trolls and was named Volvo. The winding road to the Shire had seen much destruction these past days as the great wind god, Gale had sought much destruction upon the trees. The rain god Peindoon had flooded much of the track and fields.
The Hairy one met with his partner for this quest in the ancient dell of Eyam. His companion known as the smooth one arrived upon his sturdy sleek beast which came from the land of the Gauls his beast was known as Mercedes. They parked their trusty beast in the House of Eyma Dale a great stone building with large impressive doors. They pounded on the doors and a buxom wench came forth. The pair enquired for the key to the underworld, but where told their quest had come to nought. We would need to seek the holder of the key a man known in these parts as Squire John Beck.
Their quest in the village was met with success when they found the humble abode of the legendary Beck. He however was in hospital and they met with his squire, he did inquire from whence they came. When they told him from the great Shire caving club he was in awe and did hand over the key for their quest.
The Hairy one did don his armour known as Warmback and many jangling shiny things for his descent down into the depths. The smooth knight did don a yellow suit of armour; it has seen many other battles in the underworld with rock demons and was tattered and torn from the jagged beasts. The smooth one did unfastened the lid to the underworld. A steel lid no doubt to keep the cave trolls and beast trapped within a rope of one chain in length was rigged to a staff at the top of the shaft, the smooth one did descend first. Both men laughed in the face of danger as they did have what they called the Krab for braking on their D ring, but other gear was in front of it to so as their stop would not be caught in it. The smooth one had descended into the depth a great cry was heard from below, ‘Rope Free’ no doubt this would have sent every cave troll and beast scurrying into the tightest of recesses. The hairy one soon arrived at the bottom, both men agreed there were many rub point on the rope on the way in but the protectors of the rope should save the day.
The pair got out some ungodly magic that captured moving pictures. They were in a natural Chamber there was hole in the floor a further half chain deep into a rift, but the quest was not for this today. A scramble and crawl over boulder soon lead to a further free climbable shaft, the height of 3 good men. This could be climbed with care, and much use was made of the magic boxes here. At the bottom of the climb the pair followed an ever enlarging passage that lead to the roomy North West Chamber, where a magic elixir of coffee was had. The smooth one noted a flat out crawl at the base of the climb they had just descended, could this be where the Pearly Gate was? The smooth one lay in the cold water, followed by the hairy one and his magic box and a metal tin that contained what seemed to be a piece of the sun shining bright. Much shouts of ‘O damn that’s cold could be heard’, and the hairy one laughed and followed. The pair quickly arrived at the pearly gate, for sure this is a ‘fat man filter’ the smooth one did say. A climb down was had just beyond the Pearl Gate, which was the height of the tallest of men. It opened up into a large boulder strew chamber with a deep rift heading off to the left. The pair first headed to the right climbing through a choke of boulders some held back by rotting stemple’s of wood. The hairy one followed a flat out low muddy hole. Both the pair noted the geology was like that of a dig they were doing in another underworld place known as Carlswalk, and the passage was very similar. They wondered if one day there quest might join both sections of the underworld? The smooth one followed close behind but got told to wait back. What looked like a dead end with a muddy pool, upon closer inspection twas not, there was a slot in the roof. The hairy one spun onto his back, wiggled up through the slot which was the height of a man, with the passage continuing but the passage soon closed to an end chocked with mud. The pair back tracked and the smooth no noted a way on. It was extremely tight the smooth one edged his way in slowly, it was very tight and was like inserting a pin in a gnats back side, but this underworld did not know the smooth one was called the secret weapon and could flatten himself out like a slow worm. Upon getting into a tiny chamber the smooth one said it twas dead end. The pair did know that at this point in the cave they were very close to a place known as the Dynamite Series in the underworld of Carlswalk and one day a connect may be made. The hairy one and the smooth one had done many other leads in the cave looking for the demons of the underworld. They had pushed many tight slots and leads, they even went back and looked along the rift but nought were found. They packed away their magic boxes and flask of elixir kept warm by the god Thermos, and headed out of the underworld.
They had spent 6 hours of day light in the cave and a great quest was had. The hairy warrior and the smooth night did travel to the local inn of the Wanted and did drink nice ale. The people in the inn did stare much at the pair for the hairy one was covered in much mud from his quest.
 

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